I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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