it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
