dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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