i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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