Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
