I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
