that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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