i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
