she woke up with a sticky ear
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
