official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
