dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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