so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
