Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
