Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
