before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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