last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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