i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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