i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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