just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
