its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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