looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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