i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You dont lie about slip and slides
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
