as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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