You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
