People in love make me want to vomit
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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