I haven't been this sober since birth.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
there is glitter all over my balls
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