I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was born a porn star she said
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
