my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
