Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
