you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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