its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
