It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
