Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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