margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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