Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
