it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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