i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
