The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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