We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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