Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
No subtext here. People are naked.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
