Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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