Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
