Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
