took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
