Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
