Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
