oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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