I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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