Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
