How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
