Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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